Of all the things that Rabbi Glickman asked me to do while studying to convert to Judaism; writing this statement was the most difficult. As most of you know, getting me to talk is easy. Getting me to keep quiet; now thats a trick. Still, Ive never found it easy to discuss my own spiritual journey.
Back in October, Chris and I started attending an Intro to Judaism class in West Hartford. We decided to take the class because we felt we needed to bring our daughters Maddy & Abby up with a strong sense of community and faith. We had tried teaching them a bit of both our traditions, but in the end that simply wasnt really teaching them anything. Initially it was only going to be Chris attending the class. Events conspired to give me some free time, however. I thought that it would be a nice opportunity to spend time with Chris. I also thought that if we were going to bring the girls up in this tradition, I should at least have a clue.
At many points during this process, I have realized that in many ways, the story of Jacobs parallels my own. When I began the class with Chris, I was much like Jacob was in the early part of the story. I never saw G-d as my G-d, but like Jacob as my fathers G-d. While I have always been fascinated by religion in general; I simply never felt connected with the traditions Id been raised in. I never disliked Catholicism; I just didnt feel connected to it. For the most part, when I communicated with G-d it was in much the same fashion as Jacob in the early part of the story, which is to say I would try to make a deal, If you do x for me, Ill attend church more often, or whatever seemed most appropriate.
Over the course of the first few weeks in the class, my attitude began to change. Initially, it was one of academic interest. As three or four weeks passed, it became clear to me how different Judaism was from what Id grown up with. This is a faith where discussion, and downright arguments about religious texts and their meaning, were not just tolerated, but encouraged and even expected. Thats quite the opposite of what I experienced growing up. There was a much greater focus on action in this world than faith in the next. In some ways, the first month or so of attending this class was very much a parallel to the time that Jacob spent with his Uncle Laban as he labored for Rachels hand. Just as Jacob did, I began to see the impact of G-d in the here and now; in this world. I also began to see how G-d has blessed me personally and to actually see the good thing in my life as a blessing from G-d.
While I dont think I could point to any specific event that was a cosmic a-ha moment for me, where the lights suddenly came on, I can point to a specific event that I would call a turning point. It was at this point that my attitude began to change. We had just finished with the Hebrew language portion of the class and in walks the Rabbi who would be teaching that evening. He was wearing a sport coat and tie, with a pair of hiking boots. The subject that evening was the book of Ruth. He spoke with an amazing passion and fire in his eyes. It was clear to me that this is someone who believed. This is someone who lived it, every day. It was, of course, our own Rabbi Glickman. I know this was a turning point for me because I remember being much more spiritually connected to the content of the classes at that point. It didnt really matter who was teaching, just that I was learning and I wanted more. I also began to notice the belief in others who were teaching the class. I imagine it was always there; I just dont think I could see it.
A few weeks later, Chris & I attended services here at Temple Beth Hillel. It was only my second time in a Synagogue, ever, and my first here. I was amazed at how friendly everyone was. It felt like one big family. Ive since discovered that it really is. This was just one more way in which I felt connected to G-d through Judaism. After that experience, I felt it was time to talk to Rabbi Glickman about the process of conversion.
That conversation was a little over four months ago, and in that four months I feel like Ive gotten a small taste of the kind of change that Jacob underwent from the time he left home until the time he met his brother Esau again, over twenty years later. It took Jacob twenty years to reach that point in his life. I know that my journey certainly isnt complete by any means. Still, this feels like that moment to me; like coming home. It may be a home I didnt know I had; but home nonetheless.
Id like to thank all of you for the part you played in helping me find that home. Id especially like to thank Rabbi Glickman and my wonderful, patient wife Chris for all their support, teaching and caring. Without them, I would never have even known there was a home to find.
